malkiller

fun A drunken man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologised and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her." ............................ THINGS NOT TO SAY TO A COP WHEN YOU'RE PULLED OVER 1 I only had one officer. 2 On the way to the station let's get a twelve pack. 3 You'll never get those cuffs on me. 4 Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes! 5 Hey officer, is that your nightstick or are you just glad to see me? 6 Yeah you can see my license and registration, officer, but could you hold my beer for a minute? 7 Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. 8 Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on "COPS" last week on TV? 9 Hey is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum. 10 Is it true that people become policemen because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds? ...........................