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Jokes


lmno481

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well done guys let me tell you a jokeAn old man named bet365 was in his golden years, but that didn't stop him from trying to pick up the younger ladies. He went to the local bar, approached a very pretty and very young woman and said, "Where have you been all my life?" The young lady takes one glance at him and says, "For the first half of it, I wasn't even born yet." by bet365 have a nice day today

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  • 4 weeks later...

Poisonous snakes

 

A father and son snake are out for a nice afternoon slither. The son asks, "Dad,are we poisonous snakes?" The father replies proudly, "Yes son, we are rattler snakes! Why do you ask son?" "Because DAD, I just bit my tongue!!"

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You can marry any one of them

 

One day a girl brings home her boyfriend and tells her father she wants to marry him. After talking to him for a while, he tells his daughter she can't do it because he's her half brother. The same problem happens again four more times! The girl starts to get pissed off. She goes to her mom and says, "Mom... What have you been doing all your life? Dad's been going around laying every maiden in the town and now I can't marry any of the five guys I like because they have turned out to be my half brothers!!!"Her mom replies, "Don't worry darling, you can marry any one of them you want, he isn't really your dad.

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Six wise but blind elephants were discussing what humans were really like. Failing to agree, they decided to determine what humans were really like by direct experience. The first wise but blind elephant felt the human and declared, "Humans are flat." The other wise but blind elephants, after feeling the human, agreed.

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Boss and I

 

 When I take a long time, I am slow.   When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough.   When I don't do it, I am lazy.   When my boss doesn't do it, he is too busy.   When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart.   When my boss does the same, that is initiative.   When I please my boss, I am ass-kissing. When my boss pleases his boss, he is co-operating.   I do good, my boss never remembers.   When I do wrong, he never forgets.

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A Londoner's Pride

 

 A Londoner, very proud of his hometown, was showing a visiting American around Central London.“That's Waterloo Bridge,”he said.“It took only two years to build.”  “That's nothing,”said the American.“Our Brooklyn Bridge took only 14 months.”  Later as they went along the Euston Road, the Londoner said,“That's the Euston Station. The old one demolished and the new one put up in 18 months.”  “Our largest station in New York,”said the American,“was completed in less than 10 months.”  A little later on, they passed Centre Point, looking at its 34 storeys, the American asked,“What's that building?” “Oh, I don't know,”said the Londoner.“It wasn't there when I went to work this morning.”

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Little Old Lady

 

A young man was walking through a super market to pick upa few things when he noticed an old lady following him."Pardon me," she said. "I'm sorry if my staring at youhas made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you lookjust like my son, who died recently.""I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "is thereanything I can do for you?""Yes," she said, "as I'm leaving, would you say'Goodbye, mother?' It would make me feel so much better.""Sure," answered the young man.As the old woman was leaving, he called out,"Goodbye, Mother!" Then, as he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.00. "How can that be?" he asked. "I only purchased a few things!"The clerk replied, "Your mother said you'd pay for her."

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