itsmejjj

its funny but rude? i near choked when i saw it.. the thing that get put on the net!!! and how clever it is..i use it as a back drop! and look at the girl that is wickedly funny! itsmejjj

http://forums.iobit.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=2684&stc=1&d=1258614369 have a nice Christmas and a new year every one . itsmejjj

But, I doubt if IObit considers Comet, before considering Opera, Chrome and Safari. OK that's a pity well makes it harder for me-never mind -looks like i shall have to keep the other application--as well -just to clean my browser out -i use Ncleaner -suggested by a Member -to try out -so i tweeked it just for this-plus clean a few odd and ends-- itsmejjj

yes true we all luffing our self's silly!!! ----where ya get that!!!

A VISITOR FROM THE PAST I had a dream the other night, I didn't understand. A figure walking through the mist, with flintlock in his hand. His clothes were torn and dirty, as he stood there by my bed. He took off his three-cornered hat, and speaking low, he said: "We fought a revolution, to secure our liberty. We wrote the Constitution, as a shield from tyranny. For future generations, this legacy we gave. In this, the land of the free and the home of the brave. "The freedom we secured for you, we hoped you'd always keep. But tyrants labored endlessly while your parents were asleep. Your freedom gone, your courage lost, you're no more than a slave. In this, the land of the free and home of the brave. "You buy permits to travel, and permits to own a gun, Permits to start a business, or to build a place for one. On land that you believe you own, you pay a yearly rent. Although you have no voice in choosing, how the money's spent. "Your children must attend a school that doesn't educate. Your Christian values can't be taught, according to the state. You read about the current news, in a regulated press. You pay a tax you do not owe, to please the I.R.S. "Your money is no longer made of Silver or of Gold. You trade your wealth for paper, so your life can be controlled. You pay for crimes that make our Nation, turn from God in shame. You've taken Satan's number, as you've traded in your name. "You've given government control, to those who do you harm, So they can padlock churches, and steal the family farm, And keep our country deep in debt, put men of God in jail, Harass your fellow countrymen, while corrupted courts prevail. "Your public servants don't uphold the solemn oath they've sworn. Your daughters visit doctors, so their children won't be born. Your leaders ship artillery, and guns to foreign shores, And send your sons to slaughter, fighting other people's wars. "Can you regain the freedom for which we fought and died? Or don't you have the courage, or the faith to stand with pride? Are there no more values for which you'll fight to save? Or do you wish your children, to live in fear and be a slave? "People of the Republic, arise and take a stand! Defend the Constitution, the Supreme Law of the Land! Preserve our Great Republic, and GOD-Given Right! And pray to GOD, to keep the torch of Freedom burning bright!" As I awoke he vanished, in the mist from whence he came. His words were true, we are not Free, we have ourselves to blame. For even now as tyrants, trample each GOD-Given Right, We only watch and tremble, too afraid to stand and fight. If he stood by your bedside, in a dream, while you're asleep, And wonders what remains of our Rights he fought to keep, What would be your answer, if he called out from the grave: "IS THIS STILL THE LAND OF THE FREE AND HOME OF THE BRAVE???" "Paper is poverty,... it is only the ghost of money, and not money itself." -Thomas Jefferson to Edward Carrington, 1788. "I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies." - T Jefferson "Whoever controls the supply of currency would control the business and activities of the people." - President Garfield 1881 i found this browsing interesting ---

in my case 2 hot fixes 80 meg of extras,-but i already have ser pack 1 so that may explain it one way or the other -we are one of the elite to have this -i can not give more than ,that as i am bound to to agreement with MS,not to pass info to the public--without the permission of the agreement-- itsmejjj

thanks yes i think i asked -i know its fine on the mention Os the other thing i ask a while back was that only (i think) that IE is defaulted to open? i use comit bird--and would like to see -it protected as well -as IE is - now i cant speak for fire fox or any other browser .but the asking of the above i would like to see in the next upgrade? By that i mean o win 7 all feature add on working --i know thy are flat chat -but perhaps thy(iobitt) may concider My ask? itsmejjj i have no IE on my system --uninstalled --i need this to work -i depend on this for my test pc--and have to use a other software -that i do not want-- please can you look at this as well many thank you http://forums.iobit.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=2393&stc=1&d=1257622063

hi i want to ask as i can not remember i did http://forums.iobit.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=2391&stc=1&d=1257585464 i wonder if this could be looked at please itsmejjj

thank you for the reply - Isopropyl alcohol ? not known--is this a alcoholic liquid ,as in 50% proof (drink) mix with water? we have Windex product (blue liquid )is this safe ? as this screen is like a plastic ,type thing ,we are a little worried to damage it in any way-that's why we are asking, thank you itsmejjj

ok here is a silly ask -what is the best safe way cleaning my screen -(flat) its gets a film on it -how do you remove it? should the sreen be cold -?or is it ok to wipe hot? and what to use ass its not class itsmejjj

(Why I Fired My Secretary ) I woke up early, feeling depressed because it was my birthday, and I thought, "I'm another year older," but decided to make the best of it. So I showered and shaved, knowing when I went down to breakfast my wife would greet me with a big kiss and say, "Happy birthday, dear." All smiles, I went in to breakfast, and there sat my wife, reading her newspaper, as usual. She didn't say one word. So I got myself a cup of coffee, made some toast and thought to myself, "Oh well, she forgot. The kids will be down in a few minutes, smiling and happy, and they will sing 'Happy Birthday' and have a nice gift for me." There I sat, enjoying my coffee, and I waited. Finally, the kids came running into the kitchen, yelling, "Give me a slice of toast! I'm late! Where is my coat? I'm going to miss the bus!" Feeling more depressed than ever, I left for the office. When I walked into the office, my secretary greeted me with a great big smile and a cheerful "Happy birthday, boss." She then asked if she could get me some coffee. Her remembering my birthday made me feel a whole lot better. Later in the morning, my secretary knocked on my office door and said, "Since it's your birthday, why don't we have lunch together?" Thinking it would make me feel better, I said, "That's a good idea." So we locked up the office, and since it was my birthday, I said, "Why don't we drive out of town and have lunch in the country instead of going to the usual place?" So we drove out of town and went to a little out-of-the-way inn and had a couple of martinis and a nice lunch. We started driving back to town, when my secretary said, "Why don't we go to my place, and I will fix you another martini." It sounded like a good idea, since we didn't have much to do in the office. So we went to her apartment, and she fixed us some martinis. After a while, she said, "If you will excuse me, I think I will slip into something more comfortable," and she left the room. In a few minutes, she opened her bedroom door and came out carrying a big birthday cake. Following her were my wife and all my kids. yelling happy Birthday !! DAD, And there I sat with nothing on but my socks. itsmejjj

irony or jokes----yes if you look at it that way-you are right--never crossed my mind---do you want me to take it out--?no harm meant---ya wanna know who told me that? my doctor he is Chinese--i near fell of the chair--he is always cracking them --lives across the from us-very funny man--often comes over .looks in on the wife--she is on dialysis clean the blood -just learning ta use the unit-- but not a problem -shift it if ya think it may make a fuss-- itsmejjj

An airplane takes off from the airport. The Captain is Jewish and the First Officer is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and it's obvious, by the silence, that they don't get along. After thirty minutes, the Jewish Captain mutters: "I don't like Chinese." The First Officer replies: "Oooooh, no likie Chinese? Why tat?" "Your people bombed Pearl Harbor. That's why I don't like Chinese." "Nooooo, noooo, Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah. That Japanese, not Chinese." "Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese... it doesn't matter, you're all alike." Another thirty minutes of silence. Finally, the First Officer says: "No like Jew." "Why not? Why don't you like Jews?" "Jews sink Titanic." "The Jews didn't sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg." "Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg, Spielberg; no mattah ... all same."

now that a top one ted! yep its a ripper~!!! heee, and i am not the only funny gent----that tickled my funny bone ahhhhh--- make it a point to check this tread every day keep them coming !!

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says "maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation "I now pronounce you man and wife". Little Gregory wakes up in the middle of the night feeling alone and scared. He goes into his mother's room for comfort and he sees his mom standing naked in front of the mirror. She is rubbing her chest and groaning, "I want a man, I want a man." Shaking his head in bewilderment, Gregory takes off to bed. Next night the same thing happens. On the third night, Gregory wakes up and goes into his mom's room but this time there is a man in bed with his mom. Gregory hoofs back to his room and whips off his pajamas, rubs his chest and groans " I want a bike, I want a bike." WIFE: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor." HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous." WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor." HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?" WIFE: "In the pool." ahhhhhhhhh

http://forums.iobit.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=2232&stc=1&d=1256844357 what you all think of this now that is what i call a cleaver CAT--- i got it from a blog -very well made--funny-- i came up with the idea to add the logo iobit protecting you and made it mine--as the heading -- itsmejjj

Little Johnny was in his math's class one day when the teacher singled him out. "If I gave you $40," the teacher began," and you gave $10 to Mary, $10 to Sally and $10 to Susan, what would you have?" "An orgy," Johnny answered. itsmejjj

i love this keep em coming!!!

ahhhhhhh its a ripper!!!!!

this is true --no it is when a very young boy i would often help my uncle he was a repare man this day he asked if i wanted to go with him and earn a bit of mony -when upon driving to this large property surrounded by a high wire fence-that house many out buildings inside -looking like a small housing communal-i asked what is this place uncle? stated, its a asylum-for the non violent patrons--oh ok - the guard allowing us to enter -after uncle showed him the papers-and id- -as we drove around not sure were the unit was -spotted a person uncle stopped to ask where number 12 was-where we were heading for-the job to be done- -this rather tall man approaching the car rather slowly- uncle ask saying -good morning-can you tell us where number 12 is please-? the man pondering a bit ,then speaking,answered yes sir! its between 11.and 13 .walking away, Musters, and thy call us crazy! uncle looking at me saying did you hear that? how silly of me to ask any fool would know that--- yes said uncle , he is dead right why did i not think of it! and bust out laughing!!! itsmejjj

this is absolutely brilliant! enjoy ---- Is There a Santa Claus? As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from that renown scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990) - I am pleased to present the annual scientific inquiry into Santa Claus. 1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen. 2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18 ) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist cihldren, that reduces the workload to to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each. 3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seemes logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding etc. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour. 4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth. 5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enourmous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force. In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.! itsmejjj

ring ring hallow? your friendly consultant Freddy speaking how can we assist you- * User: "Hey, can you help me? My program doesn't work." * Consultant: "What is the problem? Are you using Turbo Pascal?" * User: "Yes, the program just blocks the machine." * Consultant: "Well, does it compile?" * User: "I don't know -- it just doesn't run. You see? There's the EXE file. If you run it, it blocks the machine." * Consultant: "And where is your source, the PAS file??" * User: "I wrote it and renamed it to EXE so it could run." haaaaaaa talking to the consultant! * Him: "I can download games like Quake and play them during lunch, you know." * Me: "We're only allowed 10 megs in our accounts, and the system administrators would notice you downloading a large file." * Him: "Nah, I could hack it so he couldn't." * Me: "Ah, so you are into hacking. By the way do you know any programming languages?" * Him: "Yeah, of course." * Me: "Which ones?" * Him: "I can't tell you or else you'll use them." * Me: "Just by mentioning C++ or Pascal or whatever will not instantly make me a genius with those languages." * Him: "Oh sorry, I didn't understand you. Yeah, I know C++ and Pascal." * Me: "What compiler do you use?" * Him: "Well, Qbasic is my favorite." * Me: "Nobody over the age of eight uses QBasic for serious purposes." * Him: "But they made windows with QBasic." haaaaa---

An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, “Where are you going?” He replied, “To the kitchen.” She asked, “Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?” He replied, “Sure.” She then asked him, “Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?” He said, “No, I can remember that.” She then said, “Well I would also like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because I know you’ll forget that.” He said, “I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.” She replied, “Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down.” With irritation in his voice, he said, “I don’t need to write that down! I can remember that.” He then fumes into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and said angrily: “I TOLD you to write it down! You forgot my toast!” ahhhhhh-love it!

glad you like it---- how about this one --- A guy is walking past a high, solid wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!" He continues walking along the long fence, but, being a curious person, he can't help but wonder why they are chanting "Thirteen!" over and over. Could it be that they are chugging beer? Are they perhaps taking turns beating one of the inmates? Maybe they are counting the number of patients that have leaped off of the roof thus far. His curiosity peaks and he frantically searches for a hole in the fence so that he may see what is going on. Finally, he spots one a few feet ahead. The hole is low in the fence and he has to kneel down to peer inside. He moves into position and peeks into the hole. As he looks in, someone inside pokes him in the eye! Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!"

A married couple is sleeping when the phone rings at 3 a.m. The wife picks up the phone and, after a few seconds, replies,"How am I supposed to know? We're 300 miles inland!"and hangs up. Her husband rolls over and asks,"Sweetheart, who was that?" "I don't know,some dumb Woman, asking if the coast is clear." a other fast one ---- Heaven is when you have: * An American salary. * A British home. * Chinese food. * A Swiss economy. * An Italian body. * A Japanese technology. * An Indian wife. Hell is when you have: * An American wife. * A British body. * Swiss food. * An Italian technology. * A Japanese home. * An African economy. * An Indian salary. not bad ahhhhh A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things - chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with. Finally, the uncle decided to give them a real treat. "Why don't you grab a gun, take my prized hunting dogs, and go have some fun shooting?" This seemed to cheer the nephew up, and with enthusiasm, off he went, dogs in trail. After a few hours, the nephew returned. "How did you enjoy that?" asked the uncle. "It was great!" exclaimed the nephew. "Got any more dogs?" stone me cold -ahhhhhhhhh a deary me--- itsmejjj